I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We had to coat check the pizza.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
