I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
