I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
