Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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