You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
