R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
