You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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