He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
