your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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