I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
