im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
