is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
