I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
