The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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