lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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