I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
