Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize