i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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