I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
