she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
being pregnant is like rehab
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
