I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
