there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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