Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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