I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
how does that bad decision feel?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
