no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
