Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
