If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize