Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
