Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
