Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Be still, my beating vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
