using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
