My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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