Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
