I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
