Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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