My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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