Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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