i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize