I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
