i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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