Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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