smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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