Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
