just tell him i said nine months
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
