both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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