im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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