My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
