Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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