Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
