He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
