Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
