Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
