I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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