yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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