I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
