You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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