i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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