Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's blow job season.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize