my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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