When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize