I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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