Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
