I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
