I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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