she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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