Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I smell stomach acid.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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