new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
