I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
