hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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