his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
