I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
