That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
