dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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