First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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