How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
