the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
