Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
