How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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