Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize