i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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