like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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