Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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