You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize