Jerry, you need to find god
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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