As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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