You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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