part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
