Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
