My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
