i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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