i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
