I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
