If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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