But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
