We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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