dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
